Why do you keep falling into the same relationship patterns?
Why do you have the same conflicts?
Why DIY books don’t seem to fix your problems?
Let me ask you this simple question:
How many animals of each kind did Moses take on the Ark?
What was your answer?
Most people say “two.” The correct answer is none—because it wasn’t Moses. It was Noah.
Many of you will also recall a well-known “gorilla” experiment.
These are simple demonstrations of a deeper truth: we all have cognitive blind spots.
The Illusion of Self-Awareness
You might believe you have strong insight into your own thinking. It might be the case, you have a well-developed capacity for introspection.
And yet, much of our mental life operates unconsciously. We don’t observe it—we explain it after the fact.
The brain does not need accuracy. It needs coherence and safety—to identify real dangers, to reduce cognitive load and preserve a stable sense of self.
That is why our memories are not accurate recordings. They are:
- fragmented
- distorted
- sometimes repressed
- often reconstructed
Why Self-Reflection Isn’t An Answer?
We like to think that reflection leads to a better insight.
But in reality, much of what we call “reflection” is simply:
- rationalizing
- justifying
This is a hindsight, not an insight.
How This Shows Up:
These blind spots shape:
- our biases
- our triggers
- our repeated behaviours, thoughts
Why This Matters?
This is why we find ourselves:
- stuck in the same types of relationships
- revisiting the same conflicts
- looping through familiar, often unhelpful thought or behaviour patterns
This also explains why many self-help books fall short.
We cannot easily see our own blind spots—by definition.
What’s missing is external perspective:
- someone to hold up the mirror
- someone to ask the questions you wouldn’t even think to ask
- someone to challenge your assumptions and offer alternative hypotheses
This is why coaching helps to support individual growth and transformation. It is never too late to give it a try. If you feel like you have reached the place where you need to explore this further, this your time.